Red Sox stink; life is good

Why do politicians lie to us? If they tell us the unflattering truth, we’ll be offended and not vote for them. Well, I’m not running for office, so I’m going to try telling the truth. You won’t be pleased.

My wife and I are in Florida for a short vacation. You may not be happy to know that while you are shivering up North, the weather is warm and sunny here. And you certainly won’t be pleased to hear that our World Champion Red Sox look pretty bad in spring training.

We saw two games in two days; both times the Red Sox lost – badly, Now, I know it’s only spring training. The games don’t mean anything. I know it’s only two games, not the whole season or even a significant part of it. I know that hope springs eternal in spring training where most teams believe they are going to the World Series. I know all that. It’s the way they lost that bothers me.

The Sox played the Pirates in Bradenton, Florida. Let’s stop for a moment here. By major league rules, teams must start at least four regulars in a spring training game so the fans don’t feel cheated. Early in spring training, the regulars are replaced after a few innings by minor leaguers. High-ranking prospects get shirts with their names on the back and high numbers (73, 84, 67), the lower numbers being reserved for established major leaguers. Lower-ranking minor league players still get high numbers, but they don’t even qualify for names on the backs of their jerseys. They are just anonymous guys running around out there.

The Sox fell badly behind to the Pirates 6 to 1 when the regulars were still on the field – Nava, Pierzynski, Jackie Bradley, Jr., Carp, Workman. The Sox’s AA and AAA minor leaguers who replaced them saved the situation. They tied the game up at 6 to 6, but then finally lost 7 to 6.

The next day was even worse. Regulars Ortiz, Pedroia, Napoli, Middlebrooks, Bogaerts, Gomes, and Buchholz started. Even so, the Sox lost 8 to 0 on their home turf to the Tampa Rays. Buchholz pitched one inning giving up three hits and one run. Middlebrooks hit a bloop single to center field. Pedroia went hitless. Ortiz struck out twice and hit a broken bat dribbler to the pitcher the third time. The Sox did not look at all like World Champions.

Okay, okay, okay, you’re mad at me for telling you something you don’t want to hear. It’s only two games. Teams have ups and downs. Life, in general, and baseball, in particular, is notoriously unpredictable. Who thought the Sox would go from worst to first in 2013? I’ve been wrong many times before and will be again many times in the future.

But look on the bright side of this potentially dreary situation. We are New Englanders. The lousy weather makes us crabby and pessimistic, so we complain a lot. I would argue that we were never so happy in our unhappiness as when the Red Sox hadn’t won a World Series in 86 years. The Red Sox were a ready whipping boy for all our complaints. SOS – Same Old Sox.

Then a terrible thing happened. Boston won three World Series in 10 years. We were trapped into being optimistic. That is an unnatural state for a Granite Stater. We expect the worst and often get it. But, now, hallelujah, if the Sox collapse, we can revert to the comfortable state of being our old unhappy selves. Ah, sweet misery of life at last I’ve found you.

Excuse me, while I pull my tongue out of my cheek.

If you would like to read more about the masochistic Red Sox fans, pessimists, chronic complainers, and eccentrics who live in New Hampshire, may I suggest you read my new book Outtastatahs: Newcomers Adventures in New Hampshire.

Outtastatahs (as in out-of-staters) can be purchased for $13.99 at River Run Books in Portsmouth; at the Galley Hatch Restaurant gift shop in Hampton; at the Water Street Bookstore in Exeter; at Gibson’s Bookstore in Concord; or on-line at amazon.com or barnesandnoble.com.